Is that a Hell Yes or a Hell No?

First let’s just move past the fact that I’m using “Hell” and not something more PG like “Heck.” It’s a stylistic decision but if this is a deal breaker, then no hard feelings.

But if you’re like, “What are you talking about? You think too much! Who cares what word you use?” Then that’s a great attitude and read on!

Decisions, Decisions

Throughout our bustling busy day, numerous people, tasks, and that demand our attention. We make hundreds of decisions everyday when we choose to attend one activity over another, who to converse with, where to have lunch, etc. Whew, just talking about it feels exhausting.

So when we are pulled in multiple directions, how do we go about deciding? Is there a systematic way capable of predicting each of our choices or is there more complexibility and variability than that? (Hint: it’s the latter). If you think back to the last party you went to, the last time you overate junk food, or caught up with an acquaintance, you can see that decisions are affected by mood, timing, interest, perceptions, and motivation. And each of our choices offer insight on whether we made the “right” decision.

What does “right” mean?

Some say that it’s a satisfaction with the outcome, fulfillment when the goal is met, or relief that something has been completed.

Sure, that’s a nice end result. But how do we get there?

Well, my personal and professional experiences made me realize the importance of “Mindset” prior to, during, and after the decision-making process. Although there is not a magic formula, “right” is the confirmation of confidence that we acted according to values, beliefs, and maximum effectiveness.

That mindset is the Hell Yes/Hell No (HYHN) attitude.

OK let’s get more specific.

What does it mean to choose a “Hell Yes”?

Have you ever entered a conversation that began with, “Hey, can you do me a favor?” Sometimes you’re feeling generous and optimistic and it’s an instinctive YES!, no questions ask; other times there is a trigger of anxiety over the anticipation of what could be expected of you.

And then there are the times when you ignore that tiny voice of doubt and give in reluctantly, and you look back wishing you never agreed to it. But the next time, you say yes again.

Let’s break this painful cycle. HYHN is about how you choose to deal with that moment of ambivalence.

When you decide that you ONLY say YES to things that you feel a HELL YES! towards, because life is too short for a Hell Maybe, you’re actually deciding to live by the following attitude, values, and character:

1. You know what you want- When you’re making a deal, in the midst of a negotiation, knowing that you’ll only walk away with a Hell Yes means that you will stick to your purpose. You don’t settle for any less
2. Commitment- You are all in. You see the whole picture, both the costs and benefits, so you know what you’re getting into. That’s why when you hit bumps along the road, you’re less likely to give up.
3. You only deliver on high-quality- Since you are all in, you are open to giving the best of what you have to offer. Because it’s not about just getting by, or getting away with less work, but to feel fulfilled that you gave it your all.
4. Authenticity- You’re real. You are you. People know that when you say YES, you truly mean it, and that you’re excited. They trust that you’ve REALLY thought this through. You lay it all out, and hold nothing back. Authenticity builds trust.
5. Trust- When other people discover that you have a HYHN attitude, they can trust that you you are sincere and devoted because your Hell Maybe is a Hell No. There is a comfort in knowing that when you ask someone for a favor, they don’t feel like it’s an obligation or a drag, so you’re not afraid to ask for help, knowing that you’ll get the truth.
6. Integrity – It means not giving less than what you have to offer, say what you think, do what you say. It’s saying that your thoughts are your actions, and actions actualize your words. This also ties into trust
7. Confidence – You are not trying to please anyone else, you are being yourself. You are comfortable making decisions because you have a clear boundary. You are comfortable saying NO when needed because giving less than 100% of your time, energy, and enthusiasm is not your style. You are OK letting other people know that, because it’s nothing personal – you’re being you.
8. Courage- It’s very possible that you will not experience the “perfect” moment to take a risk or finishing of your procrastinated task, so the Hell Yes is committing to acting with courage, that despite fear and ambivalence, you’re going ahead anyways. You are determined to not let fear get the best of you, but rather use it to conquer greater and greater challenges (Read more about that here). 
9. Freedom – Isn’t it draining to have to pretend you’re interested when you’re not? When you have to go against how you’re really feeling? When you try to please other people, but neglect yourself? HYHN take away that baggage, and you can stop with the guilt trips and avoidance

Some say, “Oh yeah Biyang, that’s easy for you to say. What if it’s my job or my boss?”

Well that’s a great point! So think about it this way, if you absolutely despise your job and feel imprisoned by the daily torture, then figure out why you’re still doing it despite the aversion. Is it money? Status? Taking care of your family? To fill up your time? Because you don’t have any other purpose? Be honest with yourself, and fully embrace the fact that this job is to fulfill some higher value that you hold, such as Stability or Security. But if you continue to do this, with full awareness, see how long you can continue the suffering. For many people, there is a belief that if you’re not struggling and working until you feel exhausted and miserable, that you are not doing enough or being lazy. I’ve experienced before too, and I do explore that topic here. So if you live mindfully and you can continue to live in misalignment… that is your choice. For some, sacrificing happiness for a greater is their highest form of joy. Decide what type of person you are and choose your path.

The power of the “Hell No”

The same elements of a Hell Yes applies to the Hell No. The HYHN attitude does mean that you need to say No to the mediocre, so-so, uninspired, obligated, and fake excitement

For many people, saying NO is hard. Sometimes it’s because you don’t want to come off as unhelpful, or you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, or you don’t want to deal with a potentially upset response, or you want to be that person who does it ALL, or you’re afraid of letting someone down, or most popularly, you want to please and be liked by everyone.

But to be honest, deciding something out of fear or obligation rarely lead to the best outcomes. If you commit to something that you’re not completely into, overtime you can feel drained or become resentful. Have you ever volunteered to coordinate a friend’s birthday party, your child’s school fundraising event, or an office gathering? Or maybe something else along those lines? And has this become a pattern? You may do it once or twice, but if you observe that you are torn multiple ways for what feels like ALL the time, then it’s definitely time to re-evaluate.

It’s making room for the Hell Yes opportunities in your life. That does seem a bit risky, but ask yourself WHY you are doing this. Be honest with others and most importantly with yourself. Don’t settle.

But Embrace the “Gray Areas”

Being firm and confident in your choices down not mean that you become rigid and lead life with an All-or-Nothing attitude. It’s not giving yourself the out of not making decisions until everything is perfect, or the permission to be impulsive.

Being able to handle ambiguity, uncertainty, and other “Gray areas” in life is does not exclude this attitude. In fact, to make a fully invested decision, you must be able to identify all sides of the situation, including the potential challenges barriers, and any resistance to change. If you are seeing only the positives, then you have not fully accepted the situation, you are only saying yes to 50% of the task, because the other part you have yet to discover or refuse to bring to light.

Recently, as I’ve grappled with finding focus, purpose, and direction as I’m pursuing my own business, a lot of distractions come in the way. First of all, when is someone completely 100% ready to let go of the railings and take a leap into the unknown? Or put it in another way, you can’t measure readiness by waiting for when you know that the results are guaranteed. Instead, try to find that moment when your body tingles to take action and you can no longer hold back. In addition, I must be focused on participating in activities that will offer true value and fulfillment. I possess time, energy, so it’s important to maximize the value by choosing the things where I can maximally impact the people that I serve.

Ultimately…

Sespite the firmness and intensity of a Hell Yes, it is not at all forceful or judgmental. The choice is completely yours, because remember that you are not pleasing anyone else. If you feel that you have to force yourself, then that is a sure sign that you are not fully committed.

Hell Yes is not being selfish or uncompromising. because you are fully aligned with your values and purpose, the subsequent decisions will support this.
It requires the acuity and mastery to prioritize the values most important to you, so that you are making decisions from a place authenticity and confidence, in full alignment.

If you are in a collaborative project, fulfilling your goal means taking other people into account, and that can mean adjusting your preconceptions and flexing your hard lines. It also means forgiving yourself and giving yourself permission to let go of the opportunities that you think you “should” agree to or is the most “practical” despite your heart saying otherwise. You’re not letting anyone down, but demonstrating openness, honesty and trust in your relationships.

Sounds paradoxical doesn’t it? Well if life is too easy, what would be the fun in that?

HYHN decision-making won’t make life easier, but it will make it simpler. It’s much easier to follow the crowd, have other people tell you what to do, and do what is the most comfortable; unfortunately that is short term thinking, but in the long-term, it’s important to be mentally and emotionally self-reliant. That doesn’t mean you don’t need help from others or you ignore advice, but rather you’re kicking ass on your own, and other people only need to support that.

Essentially it boils down to this: To lead an authentic, passionate and fulfilling life, it is important to make decisions that sustain your spirit and makes you excited to start the day, delivers value, and further your mission in all areas of life: career, business, lifestyle, and relationships.

It’s all about mindset.

Choosing to live by the Hell Yes is an attitude that gets to the core of your motivation: are you in or are you out?

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Inspired by Derek Sivers